France Bound

God is always moving. Always shifting things. Even when we think God is taking us back a step, He is really only preparing and making a way so that we can walk into the next thing. 

And my next thing, is France. 

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I went on vacation with my family a couple weeks ago and after the vacation, I left questioning if maybe I was suppose to move back to Lafayette. It came suddenly and out of nowhere. I was confused because I didn't know if it was God leading me back there or if maybe it was just emotions and the fact that I missed seeing my friends and family often. I knew I needed to really pray about it and seek the Lord before I made a decision because I didn't want it to be based off of emotion or comfort. I wanted to be where God wanted me to be. 

I drove back into town last Tuesday for a friends birthday and so I knew I would be busy all day and wouldn't really have much time alone. I decided that I would set aside the Wednesday to pray and really spend some time with the Lord seeking direction. I asked that God would send me direction in the form of an email, call, or text that would lead me exactly where He wanted me to be. That Wednesday morning I got a call from my sister-in-law Sarah. I stared at the phone a good minute before answering, debating if I wanted to answer. Not because I didn't want to talk to her or anything, but because I get calls from Sarah pretty often but they are usually accidental calls. I'll answer and all I will hear is Sarah talking in the background completely oblivious to me on the line. So sometimes I just let it go to voicemail. That morning however, I decided to answer, even though I really thought it was just another accidental call. She answered back right away when I said hello and told me that she just got off the phone with her friend who lives in France and said that she really needed a nanny and she had mentioned me. She said she didn't know if this is something I would even be interested in but she wanted to call and let me know. I was completely shocked but there was also an incredible peace that I felt the minute she said it. I told her I was definitely interested and had actually prayed that God would have someone call me today about where I should go. I told her that I was going to go pray and get back to her about it. I got dressed and went to the lakefront. 

I prayed. I read. I listened. 

And, I felt peaceful. 

I called my sister back telling her that she could go ahead and send my number to her friend, Autumn.

Several calls later, everyone had prayed about it and I got the ok to go. All that was next was me coming up with the money to purchase a plane ticket. I couldn't afford one and my parents couldn't afford to help me pay for one either. It was completely in God's hands. If He was leading me to France, I needed Him to provide to funds to get there. Within 72 hours I had all of the money I needed to buy a round trip ticket. God came through in a way that completely blew my mind. 

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I really expected that God would direct me between either staying here in Mandeville or moving back to Lafayette. Never in a million years did I think He would lead me back overseas, especially to France. But, God continues to amaze me. I've been thinking a lot about this and I feel incredibly blessed. I remember growing up telling everyone that I was going to see the world. It's always been a desire of mine. I remember at the beginning of this year God telling me this was going to be an amazing year for me filled with growth and fulfilled promises. And, I'm so thankful that He keeps His promises. 

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I will be leaving Tuesday, September 30 and I will arrive in France on Wednesday morning.

I will be staying in the Champagne region of France, about 2 hours outside of Paris. 

I will be living on a YWAM base while there. 

I ask that you please partner with me in prayer as I step into this next season. Pray for me and my travels there, as I will be traveling alone. Pray for me that I will grow even more with the Lord and that I continue to learn dependency in Him. Pray for the family that I will be nannying for, that blessings are poured over them. Pray for YWAM and the ministry they are doing there. Pray for my friends and family I am leaving here, that peace would fill them. Pray for the church family I am leaving behind, that God continues to grow and bless them. Let's pray that we as Christ followers are always obedient to God's leading and willing to go wherever He takes us. 

My Bell's Palsy Experience

Saturday, August 16, 2014

I wake up pretty late that morning. I had a late night before and didn't get to bed until around 2/3 in the morning. I go downstairs and fix a bagel and as I'm chewing I realize that it kind of feels weird to eat. Instead of worrying about it I just let it go and then go upstairs to brush my teeth which turned out to be extremely difficult. I come to the conclusion that half of my lip is numb. So I do what every person does when they have strange symptoms...I googled it. As I'm reading the many different things it could be I decided the internet was probably not the best place to look. I mean really, one more scroll down and it would have told me I had 3 days to live. I decided I would call my brother and see if he had any ideas or has woken up with that before. He said maybe I just slept on my lip wrong, kind of like when you fall asleep on your arm and then you wake up and its numb. Maybe I was so tired that I passed out on the right side of my face and it just was numb from sleep. In my mind, in that moment, I thought that made perfect sense. As I think back on it now, I just laugh at how easily I accepted that as what was wrong.

As the day went on things started getting worse. I was noticing how irritated my eye was feeling and that it was kind of in pain. I was out shopping with my roommate and while in the dressing room I smiled and noticed that half of my face didn't move, at all. I took a picture of me trying to smile and sent it to my brother. He called me back and agreed that something was probably going on and offered to take me to urgent care just to get it checked out. All of the urgent cares happened to be closed at the time though so he took me to the emergency room instead. I was there for about 5 hours.

Right when I got there and explained my symptoms they told me is was more than likely Bell's Palsy. After running an MRI and CT Scan, it was confirmed that nothing else was wrong and this is what it was. They prescribed an anti-viral medication and a corticosteroid and sent me on my way. Thus began my three weeks of living with Bell's Palsy.

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For those of you who don't know, Bell's Palsy is a form of facial paralysis resulting from a dysfunctional cranial nerve VII causing an inability to control facial muscles on the affected side. Bell's Palsy is diagnosed by process of elimination. There are several other things that can cause facial paralysis such as a brain tumor, stroke, or Lyme disease, so once these are ruled out Bell's Palsy is what is diagnosed. It is rapid and usually occurs overnight. There is no specific cause for how one gets it. It could be from a virus, or head trauma, or probably many other things. Most people will start to regain control of the muscles by three weeks, medicated or not, but for some people they have to wait 6 months before they have completely regained full control. And, in some rare cases, it never returns to normal. You just never know. Thankfully, mine was a very mild case and in three and a half weeks, everything was back to normal with no signs of it left.

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Bell's Palsy isn't fun. Not in the slightest. Aside from the fact that half of my face is drooping and I can't smile, there are so many side effects with it that make it hard.

Because I couldn't control my facial muscles on the right side of my face, this meant that my right eye could not blink. This is not good for your eye at all. As the day progresses your eye gets dried out and irritated. If you don't take certain precautions this could, in time, permanently damage that eye. So to protect it I had to tape my eye shut at night and manually blink it throughout the day. I also invested in an eye patch, and yes, I actually wore that baby in public. (Good thing I love pirates so much, I got to temporarily be one!) Because the eye was irritated, it made driving incredibly difficult for me, especially at night. My eye would try and close but because it lacked the ability to blink or close by itself, if I tried to close that eye, both of my eyes would close, and you know, I kind of need at least one eye on the road. It was also super sensitive to feeling. So if any kind of air, like the air conditioner in my car blew into that eye, it just dried it out even more. Honestly, dealing with my eye was the worst part of this whole thing and there were a few times I contemplated gouging it out myself.

There was also lots of pain and discomfort in other parts of my face. For one, I would get severe headaches everyday. They usually would come in the afternoon and late at night. Also there would be a lot of discomfort in my jaw on the affected side and it felt really tight and hard to open my mouth.

There was hypersensitivity to sound in my ear on the affected side. Noises that I was use to hearing before became unbearable and nearly brought me to tears. I had to wear ear plugs to play worship and sometimes even the own sound of my voice was too much.

I got car sick much quicker during my time with Bell's Palsy and felt physically drained and exhausted after being in a car even for a short amount of time.

Eating and drinking. Man was that a party. There was literally no easy way to do that, at all. I tried using straws thinking it would make things easier, um no, all that accomplished was me making weird noises and some how sucking half of my lip. And just drinking from a bottle was difficult too because I got water everywhere but my mouth. I eventually found a bottle in my apartment that I could squirt the water into my mouth with. That became my best friend, and I had no shame sporting it around for 3 weeks even though it was Hello Kitty. And eating, anytime I chewed, I also chewed my lip as well. And I couldn't really chew on my right side because the muscles on that side of my face were not strong enough to swallow the food.

There were a few times where I choked trying to take my medicine because I couldn't get it down.

And, brushing my teeth. That was just sad. Oh I made sure my teeth were cleaned, but usually my chin and the rest of my face got some of it too. The toothpaste just fell out of the right side of my face like a waterfall. And then trying to rinse your mouth and spit was fun. I couldn't properly spit so it kind of just dripped out of my mouth, real slowly I might add. But, I'm not going to lie and say it wasn't amusing. I definitely laughed at myself a few times.

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So you see, it wasn't a fun time in the sense of all of the symptoms I had to deal with. But, I'm incredibly thankful for a God who brings me through things that ultimately bring me closer to Him and teach me more about Him.  That week before I was diagnosed I was praying to God and asking him to lead me where He wanted me. I was very stressed and not at all at peace with the job I was working at and I asked Him to take me out of it if that wasn't what He had for me, and that if it was, He would work in my heart and change my perspective. Two days after I was diagnosed and left the hospital I was let go. I wasn't really upset about it either, because I asked God to take me out if that's not the place I needed to be, and He did that. Maybe not the way I thought He would but God's ways are much higher than mine. I decided after that to focus on getting better. So for three weeks I took things slow, rested up, and gave my body time to heal. I was also able to go on vacation with my family. During these weeks, God was able to speak to me about things in my heart that I needed to deal with. Pruning isn't always easy, but it is definitely necessary. There were things I thought that I had dealt with that were still lingering in the depths of my heart. I also learned a lot about my own trust in God and His sovereignty. I asked the Lord before all of this to teach me about His sovereignty and that I would grow in intimacy with Him. I remember telling God that I wanted to know Him in a way that was unlike anything I have ever known before. I wanted to know Him based on who He says He is and not based on who other people have told me He is. I wanted first hand revelation of Christ. I had to reach a point in those weeks that I accepted that even if it never went away, even if I had to deal with having Bell's Palsy, or some essence of it, I was more blessed because of it. This wasn't because of a lack of faith and trust that my God is a healer who can heal me of anything, but an understanding that God is Sovereign, He is good, and His hearts desire is to bring me into intimate relationship with Him. Whatever that takes. I knew when I prayed to know God differently and to understand how sovereign He was that it could be considered a dangerous prayer. I didn't ask God to show me those things until I knew that I really wanted to know. He continues to bring me through new seasons. New processes. Growing in dependence and trust. And, I'm thankful for that.

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[I can now say though, that I am completely better and there are no lingering signs of Bell's Palsy. God gets the glory for that! I definitely don't miss dealing with it, but I also don't regret going through it, and the things I learned, and the time I got to spend with Jesus.]

And, here is my pirate picture

In the Now

[Ecclesiastes 5:18-20 MSG]

After looking at the way things are on this earth, here’s what I’ve decided is the best way to live: Take care of yourself, have a good time, and make the most of whatever job you have for as long as God gives you life. And that’s about it. That’s the human lot. Yes, we should make the most of what God gives, both the bounty and the capacity to enjoy it, accepting what’s given and delighting in the work. It’s God’s gift! God deals out joy in the present, the now. It’s useless to brood over how long we might live.

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I realized this morning that this is the first time in my life that I'm truly having to live in the now. The first time in my life that I'm not counting down to something else, some milestone or new thing. And, I realize how much that scares me. I have a job now and started working. I am a nanny, and also the house cleaner. This week was my first week with the girls. They just moved down from Illinois. It's also been a roller coaster of emotions. The first day I got home after work and just cried because I was so stressed out and confused. I woke up the next morning still stressed out which only got worse when I couldn't find my keys. Very upset I finally found them and then cried because that whole ordeal. As the day went on though, I became more peaceful. I had a talk with my boss which helped because we were able to talk through a few miscommunications that had me worried. Now I'm at a place where I am peaceful about this job and feel like I can do it but also scared that I will be here longer than I would like. I've been a nanny before, and I have worked with kids my entire life, but this isn't something I want to do for my whole life. My heart is worship and ministry and I hope to one day find myself working for a church. 

So, this morning, as I was washing dishes, it hit me that I'm finally living completely in the present with nothing to look to in the future because I have no idea what my future holds. I mean, really, there has always been something to count down too. You count down to when you will finally be in high school, to when you can finally drive. I counted down to graduating high school. Then to when I started Masters Commission. While in XMC, I counted down to when I would graduate my first year. Then I looked to when I would start my second year and then eventually graduate and get my bachelors degree. I counted down to when I would leave to go to Romania, and then in Romania, I counted down to when I would be back home. There has always been something. 

I have an apartment, I have a job, and I have bills. Don't misunderstand me, I know there is a purpose in all of that. I'm thankful that I have these things. And, as scary as it is to me, I'm thankful for this season. I'm thankful because I know that it's in seasons like this, where I'm a little uncomfortable and a little scared, that I grow. It's during these times that I must depend completely on God and trust him to be everything that I need. 

So, I'm learning to live in the today. More so than ever before. There is a saying that wherever you are, be all there. I'm getting to relearn this and apply it. I don't know how long God will have me here and I don't know what to expect as far as my future goes. But, I know that God has me here for a reason. And, I know that He is with me. 

Live life where God has you and make the most of your time there. 

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[Psalm 118:24 AMP]

This is the day which the Lord has brought about; we will rejoice and be glad in it. 

Gentle Strength

The other day I was looking through some of my old journals from last summer and inside of one of them I found a list of words. These words were all words that I had written down that I desired to be. All things that I wanted my character to embody. I decided then that I would go through every single word and take time to study each one and see what God showed me about it and how I could use it in my life. The first word on my list was gentle. No surprise there considering gentleness is something that I have been praying about for over a year now. Even though I have studied up on gentleness, before I decided to do it again and see what else there was to learn about it. 

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[Matthew 11:29]

"Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, 

for I am gentle and lowly in heart, 

and you will find rest for you souls."

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After reading this, I determined that gentleness is a characteristic of who God is. Obviously I knew this already, but this time it really hit me. There are so many characteristics of God. He is so many things. And, gentle is one of them. I want to be like Christ. I want to be gentle. 

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[Philippians 2:5-11]

"Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross. Therefore God also has highly exalted Him and given Him the name which is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of those in heaven and of those on earth, and of those under the earth, and that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father."

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What I have found in reading these verses is the strength that gentleness possesses. We often confuse gentleness as weakness. This isn't true. It is mighty and powerful. It is in God's gentleness that I find rest. It is in His rest that I find peace. By nature, I am a restless person. Not only physically, as far as my sleeping habits go, but also mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I exhaust myself over and over again. It takes true strength for me to find rest. It takes God's gentle heart. 

In Matthew 11:29, God said to take His yoke upon us. A yoke is a wooden bar of frame that joins two animals, like oxen or horses, so that they can pull a wagon, plow, etc. together. Here it is used figuratively of the restrictions that a teacher or rabbi would place on his followers. The word take here means to elevate or uplift from the ground. I am to take God's Spirit, His gentleness, and be that.

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I wanted to do this study because I wanted to be able to apply it in my day to day life. 

There are so many restless people around me. So many people who lack peace. 

If I find my rest and peach through God's gentle and humble heart, then I want to be that for those God has surrounded me with. It will take strength. It will take me dying to my flesh. It will take me being humble and being a servant. Gentleness is not weakness. It takes strength to look past yourself and your own desires and put someone else first. It is beautiful. It is sweet. It is strong. 

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[Zechariah 9:9]

"Rejoice greatly, O daughter of Zion! Shout O daughter of Jerusalem! 

Behold, your king is coming to you; He is just and having salvation, 

lowly and riding on a donkey,.."

Trusting during Uncertainty

I've been back in the states for three weeks now. In this time, there have been some major transitions in my life. Not only getting used to living in America again but also moving and finding a new church and job hunting. It all happened incredibly fast and though I was and still am peaceful about the move I still find myself wondering what I am doing. I am still looking for a job and that in itself can be stressful and a little frightening. One of the reasons I decided to make the move was because I applied for a job at a church. I had my interview earlier this week and I have been going over it again and again in my head. I believe with everything in me that this move was God ordained and that this season here will be good. I don't however know if the job I applied for is the one God has for me. I know that I am in a place where I am having to completely trust that whatever God is doing is good and that He will lead me where I need to go, and where I need to work. The more I think about my interview I keep going over the questions I was asked and my answers given. Regardless of if this is the job I'm suppose to get, which quite honestly, I'm not sure, I know that God used that interview to reaffirm some desires in my heart and remind me that He truly has called me to that. I answered worship as my passion, as my desire, as the area God has gifted me in and called me too. I would try and think of maybe some other answer but I couldn't, because it has and always will be worship that drives me. I left the interview a little confused because the more I tried to think about how I could be used in this particular job in a certain area of ministry all I could think about is how I could get involved in worship instead. Then I felt a little scared because I need a job and I just moved away from my home and well, here I am. Each day though, I feel God's peace over me and Him remind me to trust Him. That He is using everything, absolutely everything, to lead me into His perfect purpose for me. If that means He used an interview to reaffirm and redirect my passion and purpose, then Praise God! If that means He used a time of uncertainty to grow my trust and faith, Praise God! I was told this past Sunday at church to not despise the preparation because it is where my purpose is found. This is an unusual season of preparation for me. It is unlike any other process that I have found myself in. But, it is good, it is intentional, and it's leading me to a purpose far greater than anything I could have imagined. 

Trust God, even when everything around you in uncertain, He never is. 

The Glory of God

[Exodus 33:18]

And he said, "Please, show me your glory."

That is where I found myself this morning during prayer. Desiring to go deeper with The Lord and asking for a greater awareness of His Presence and anointing. A greater awareness of His glory. 

God came through. 

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As I was standing, facing the wall, praying, I asked God to take me deeper. Not long after I found it incredibly difficult to stay standing. I grabbed the table on the side of me to steady myself because I kept swaying back and forth. So I decided to sit on the floor. While sitting I continued to pray and I asked God to let His Spirit pour over me. To completely overtake me. I sat for a few moments silent just resting in Him and then I began to repeat the name of Jesus over and over again. Every time I said His name I would feel my body lean backwards towards the ground as if I was about to lay down. When I stopped saying His name I would use the little strength and energy I had to lift my body upright again. This process lasted about three times. I felt completely overwhelmed by His Spirit. The name of Jesus is so powerful, and all I could think about was the fact that Jesus, holy Jesus, whose name itself brings me to the ground because of how powerful it is, still chose to die on a cross for me. Prayer ended not long after that and as I was able to share a little bit about what happened to the students here, I haven't been able to stop thinking about it and trying to understand exactly what happened. 

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[Numbers 20:6]

"So Moses and Aaron went from the presence of the assembly to the door of the tabernacle of meeting, and they fell on their faces. And the glory of The Lord appeared to them."

God's glory is amazing. It's breathtaking. It's captivating. It's mighty. And, it brought me to the floor. 

All day I have been reading up on people who experienced God's glory and reading accounts of those who have had the Spirit of The Lord come upon them. What I have gathered through everything I have read is how big and mighty and powerful the Glory of a God is. In Exodus 24, it describes God's glory as a consuming fire. That's pretty intense. 

[Exodus 33:7-23]

"Moses took his tent and pitched it outside the camp, far from the camp, and called it the tabernacle of meeting. And it came to pass that everyone who sought the Lord went out to the tabernacle of meeting which was outside the camp. So it was, whenever Moses went out to the tabernacle, that all the people rose, and each man stood at his tent door and watched Moses until he had gone into the tabernacle. And it came to pass, when Moses entered the tabernacle, that the pillar of cloud descended and stood at the door of the tabernacle, and the Lord talked with Moses. All the people saw the pillar of cloud standing at the tabernacle door, and all the people rose and worshiped, each man in his tent door. So the Lord spoke to Moses face to face, as a man speaks to his friend. And he would return to the camp, but his servant Joshua the son of Nun, a young man, did not depart from the tabernacle. Then Moses said to the Lord, “See, You say to me, ‘Bring up this people.’ But You have not let me know whom You will send with me. Yet You have said, ‘I know you by name, and you have also found grace in My sight.’ Now therefore, I pray, if I have found grace in Your sight, show me now Your way, that I may know You and that I may find grace in Your sight. And consider that this nation is Your people.” And He said, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.” Then he said to Him, “If Your Presence does not go with us, do not bring us up from here. For how then will it be known that Your people and I have found grace in Your sight, except You go with us? So we shall be separate, Your people and I, from all the people who are upon the face of the earth.” So the Lord said to Moses, “I will also do this thing that you have spoken; for you have found grace in My sight, and I know you by name.” And he said, “Please, show me Your glory.” Then He said, “I will make all My goodness pass before you, and I will proclaim the name of the Lord before you. I will be gracious to whom I will be gracious, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion.” But He said, “You cannot see My face; for no man shall see Me, and live.” And the Lord said, “Here is a place by Me, and you shall stand on the rock. So it shall be, while My glory passes by, that I will put you in the cleft of the rock, and will cover you with My hand while I pass by. Then I will take away My hand, and you shall see My back; but My face shall not be seen.” 

God's glory is so powerful that we cannot even see it and live. He had to hide Moses in the cleft of a rock and cover Him with His hand as His glory passed over Him. That's incredible and it completely blows my mind. The fact that God would even show me a portion of that glory creates nothing less than a desire to worship Him. What is even more amazing is that the way in which God reveals His glory to His people is not always the same way. Sometimes it's a physical thing like bringing me to the ground, but sometimes it's just an unexplainable joy that comes over you. Regardless of how, you will always know. Gods glory is mighty and when His Presence falls you will know. 

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[Ephesians 1:17-21]

"Therefore I also, after I heard of your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, do not cease to give thanks for you, making mention of you in my prayers: that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give to you the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Him, the eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that you may know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, and what is the exceeding greatness of His power toward us who believe, according to the working of His mighty power which He worked in Christ when He raised Him from the dead and seated Him at His right hand in the heavenly places, far above all principality and power and might and dominion, and every name that is named, not only in this age but also in that which is to come." 

Seek revelations about the Glory of The Lord. As you grow in knowledge of who He is, you can't help but fall in love with Him. 

God is glorious and He deserves to be glorified. 

Perspective vs. Reality

I seem to talk about perspective a lot. It's something that I am constantly finding myself having to work on. Our flesh is constantly at war with all things spiritual and having a Godly perspective isn't something that I will one day have mastered never having to work at it again. It's a daily fight and something I was definelty reminded of today. 

I have been in Moldova for the past ten days working with some missionaries there and doing ministry with the youth. God moved through everything and I was able to make connections with girls there despite language barriers and cultural differences that I'm very blessed by. God also did a lot in me. He used me in ways that I never thought I would be used in and has shown me more of the freedom I have in Him. It was a very busy time and I went to bed each day very tired and woke up early each morning still very tired. So, when we packed up everything yesterday evening and began our journey back to Romania, I was ready to get in my bed and sleep. Of course that didn't happen right away. It took about seven maybe eight hours to drive from Moldova to Targoviste. We had to go through the border and all that fun stuff. When we finally made it to our apartment it was around 2:30 A.M. I am really weird about getting in my bed if I feel dirty. So, after eight hours sitting in a van with other people I felt gross. As much as I longed to get in my bed and drift off, I couldn't until I showered. So I did. It's now about three in the morning. I wrap myself in all my blankets trying to warm up and get comfy in my bed! I'm also an extremely light sleeper. Any kind of noise or light will usually wake me up and it takes me awhile to fall back asleep. So around 4/4:30 in the morning I hear my roommate Ashlie talking to someone on Skype and I'm completely confused. Who in the world could she be on skype with? And why would she after being so tired when we made it back? She knows how light of a sleeper I am! Why would she think that's ok?! So I do this little yell/mumble thing telling her I can hear her talking. Her response is, "Adele, go back to sleep." What!? Go back to sleep! Excuse me? My voice got a little louder this time and I tell her that I can't sleep with her talking. She stops talking after that and I don't hear anything again and I finally fall asleep. I slept forever. I didn't really wake up for good until about 2 P.M. today. That's how tired I was. When I finally get out of bed Ashlie is up on her phone and asked how I slept. I say fine and then I remember everything that happened earlier and I ask her who in the world she decided to skype at four in the morning when I was trying to sleep. She asked what I was talking about. Turns out, that whole conversation never happened. At all. Not on her part anyway. So while I was talking and telling Ashlie to be quiet, she never said anything back to me. It was all in my head. I basically had an entire conversation with myself. Talk about knowing when you are exhausted. Having full blown conversations in your head that you believe are real. I can laugh about it now but when it happened I was so upset. What I thought was my reality was really only my perspective. It wasn't real. 

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Our perspectives are not always our realities. Our emotions and feelings more often than not determine our perspectives. It's something I'm really having to ask God to help me with every day. To have His perspective. To see things the way He sees them. To not let my feelings determine what I think or what I call truth. I am constantly reminding myself of grace and gentleness and that I need to be that even when I'm frustrated or upset but sometimes I just can't see why people do the things they do or are the way they are. What I have learned today though is how flawed my perspective has been. It needs to be about Jesus always. If I have His perspective, if I see everything and everyone the way He does, I would save myself a lot of grief trying to understand people or situations. There are things I can't understand. There are things I can't change. When I allow my own perception of things to get in the way, I completely miss out on the fact that God is doing things that I can't see. And, when I miss out on that I'm also missing out on the peace that follows knowing that God is at work past what I see and what I feel. That He is greater than those things. I don't want to miss out on His peace and His truth. And, I definitely don't want to believe something to be reality based on my perspective when it's not. 

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[ 2 Corinthians 4:18] 

"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

[ Isaiah 55:8]

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares The Lord." 

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Pray for me, that I would seek out Christ's perspective in every area of my life. That I would have eyes that see the way He does. 

Lighthouses

I really love quotes. A lot. I love looking up different quotes about different things and finding ones that explain everything I am feeling or walking through or ones that are just really eloquent and beautiful. Last night I was looking up quotes about light and I came across one that I haven't stopped thinking about. 

"Lighthouses are more helpful than churches." 

-Benjamin Franklin

When I read that, I got really sad. I continued reading different quotes then went to bed. Since I've been up today and went to church and then came back home though, I keep thinking about it. And so, I decided to learn a bit more about lighthouses. 

A lighthouse is a tower, building, or other type of structure designed to emit light from a system of lamps and lenses and used as an aid to navigation for maritime pilots at sea or on inland waterways. Before lighthouses were created, mariners were instead guided by fires that were built on hilltops. Since raising the fire improved visibility eventually the lighthouse was built. As of today, lighthouses are not really used that much and are more so historic sites rather than actually used for navigation. 

Now, I imagine that in Benjamin Franklin's time lighthouses were very very helpful. They saved many lives. And, I can't be so surprised at Franklin's view of the church either. He was a deist, who believed in God by evidence of reason and nature only, and definitely saw many faults in organized religion and the church as well as rejected any kind of supernatural revelation about God. So, for this statement to be true in Benjamin Franklin's eyes is not what made me sad, because I completely understand why He would write that. What made me sad was that I fear us as the church are making this statement to be true today. Myself included. 

[Matthew 5:13-16 AMP]

You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste (its strength, its quality), how can its saltness be restored? It is not good for anything any longer but to be thrown out and trodden underfoot by men. You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do men light a lamp and put it under a peck measure, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all in the house. Let your light so shine before men that they may see your moral excellence and your praiseworthy, noble, and good deeds and recognize and honor and praise and glorify your Father Who is in heaven. 

God has called us to be light. This is not new information to any of us. We know this. We hear it every Sunday at church. I love the way this passage is phrased in the Message Bible. 

[Matthew 5:13-16 MSG]

“Let me tell you why you are here. You’re here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth. If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness? You’ve lost your usefulness and will end up in the garbage. “Here’s another way to put it: You’re here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We’re going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don’t think I’m going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I’m putting you on a light stand. Now that I’ve put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you’ll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven.

We are here to be salt-seasonings. We aren't here to hide who God is and what He has done in our lives. We are called to go public about Christ! I love that it said we need to keep our house open and be generous in our lives by opening up to others about what God has done. That by us doing that we will prompt people to be open with Christ. 

Being on the mission field, I have become very aware of how important it is to not only share with others about who God is and what He did for us as well as what He has done in my life personally, but also to live out hope in everything that I do. The way I worship. The way I speak. The way I love. All of it needs to point to Jesus. He is the safe harbour and I am here to show others Him. 

We are called to be lighthouses. 

We are called to be the church. 

__________________________________________________________________________

Update from Romania

The team and I are doing very well. We have been here a month and we are definitely learning a lot about missions. We hosted a mission trip team for two weeks and that was definitely a learning experience as well as a great time of ministry. This next week will be a very busy week of preparation as we will be leaving Friday to go to Moldova for 10 days. Please keep us in your prayers for safety as well as growth and for opportunities. 

Raw Worship

I've currently been here in Romania for two weeks and already I see God doing new things. Recently, I've really been taking the time to seek out what The Lord says about worship and what it is suppose to look like. I did a study on worship in the Book of Exodus and it was really interesting but today during church I really began to experience worship in a new way.  

I've been praying over myself for almost a year now that I would be a worshipper. I don't mean a worship leader exactly, although if that is where The Lord leads me I will go, but that who I am would be a worshipper. 

[John 4:23-24]

"But the hour is coming, and now is when the true worshippers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for the Father is seeking such to worship Him. God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth." 

I want to be a true worshipper who worships my Father in Spirit and in Truth. 

One of the many cultural differences that I am facing daily is the language barrier. Everything is in Romanian, and everyone speaks Romanian. So when I go to church, the songs are in Romanian. I already knew this before I got here, but experiencing it is different. I can't sing along. And, when I try, I mispronounce everything and end up missing words and then I don't even know what part of the song we are singing anymore. So, I usually just pray while everyone else sings along to the worship songs. Today though, instead of praying, I began singing my own song to The Lord. And I realized, that was me worshipping in spirit and in truth. I wasn't bound to the lyrics of a song that I knew. I was singing from my heart about who God was and I was able to tell Him how much I love Him from my heart, not from song lyrics.  It wasn't lip service. It was worship. I'm not saying corporate worship to songs we all know and sing along together are bad, but I think that it can definitely become a comfort zone. There is something so completely beautifully about singing your very own song of love and awe to Jesus. It is more beautiful than eloquent words that rhyme and flow.  It is raw, unvarnished, truth. It is worship. 

I feel a stirring happening in the body of Christ. Where we step out from platforms and we truly become vulnerable with our Father. Where our worship is sincere and from our hearts. Where music and lyrics don't matter. Where all that truly matters is who Christ is and how deserving He is of all glory, honor, and praise.

 The hour is coming.

 Now is when.

 Arise Worshippers. 

A New Thing: Romania

A new thing.

 

[Isaiah 43:19]

"Behold, I will do a new thing, Now it shall spring forth;

Shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness

And rivers in the desert."

 

At the beginning of this year I felt that the Lord told me this year would be a year where He birthed new things in me. That this would be a year where I not only saw an abundance of the Lord's goodness but also the fruition of His promises. His Word promised me that He would bring forth those new things. That He would birth them. And I believe that He will.

 

[Isaiah 66:9]

"Shall I bring to the [moment of] birth and not cause to bring forth? says the Lord.

 Shall I Who causes to bring forth shut the womb? says your God."

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Tomorrow morning I set out on a new thing.
I will be leaving to spend the next three months in Romania as a foreign missionary associate.
I don't know what this season will look like.
I don't know what God has planned.
I don't even know how prepared I am.
But, I know that God is good.
I know that He has called me.
I know that He is all I need.
And so, I'm going.

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Please pray for me and my team.
Pray for safe travels tomorrow and Monday.
Pray that our hearts are open to what God wants to do in us.
Pray for the people that we will minister to.
Pray for God's spirit to move mightily.
Pray for a revival.
Pray for God's glory to be revealed.

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This is a new thing. It is a good thing. It is a God thing.

 

 

Mountain Climber

This past weekend I went on a mini vacation in Greer, Arizona. Greer is about a four hour drive from Phoenix. While there, I stayed in a cabin and went skiing, hiking, and all in all, had a great time of fellowship and moments with the Lord. On the drive Monday back to Phoenix to the airport I was in complete awe over how beautiful the mountains were and How big God is. I kept thinking about how me and some of my family went and climbed to the top Gobbler's Peak and how the view from the top was completely worth the difficult climb. From there I started thinking about mountains and valleys and how our journey in life will take us through many of each.

 

I recently walked through a difficult valley. At the beginning of this year the Lord spoke to me and confirmed His word through a few people that I would be entering into a new season. That this year was going to be a year where God birthed new fruit and that I was stepping into a new purpose. That I would be walking out of my valley and onto a mountain. In my mind that meant that I would all of a sudden be placed on the mountain and receive the blessings of this new season. I was wrong. I began to face more difficult things day after day. This isn't to say they haven't been beautiful because they have been. Difficult circumstances, but beautiful revelations and moments with the Lord. But, I still didn't understand why my new year, my new season, wasn't really looking that new. It wasn't until that drive back that I felt the Lord reveal to me why.

 

 

When we climbed to the top of Gobbler's Peak it was not easy. There was no trail to the top. Snow and ice covered it. So while you are climbing up you have to be careful because it is slippery. Not all of the rocks that you step on are sturdy and some of them would roll down. Some of the trees that you tried to hold onto to climb up were charred and the branches were weak and would break off. My six year old niece was also climbing with us so there would be times where I would stop because she was having a difficult time and we had to make sure she was ok and that she didn't fall. When we finally reached the top though, the view was absolutely breathtaking. It was worth every difficult step it took to get there. I stood on the top and all I could think about was the glory of God.

 

 

 

We will go through valleys in our lives. They aren't fun. They are hard. And, we will reach a point where we have walked through that valley and we have reached a mountain. God won't just put us on the top of the mountain. We will have to climb it. It won't always be an easy climb either. It will be slippery. It will be difficult. There may even be times when we are climbing that we will have to stop for a moment to help someone else climb. Eventually though, if we don't give up, if we don't turn around, we will reach the top. We may be tired, but we will have made it. The view will be wonderful. It will have been worth it.

 

You can't stay there forever though. God is always bringing you into new seasons. There are always more things to grow in. There are more moments with the Lord to be had. There will come a time when you have to begin your climb down the mountain. That won't be easy either, you will have to watch your steps. Make sure you don't slip. And, when you reach the bottom, you may have another valley to walk through. But, it won't be the same valley as before. You will be stronger. You will have the revelations of what you learned in the last one as well as everything you learned on your climb up and down the mountain. And, you will have the promise of a new mountain. Of another breathtaking view even more beautiful than the last one.

 

This morning while reading the word I read Psalm 46. One of my absolute favorite psalms.  

 

[Psalm 46:5]

  "God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day."

 

God is with you through every valley and mountain. He is within you. He will help you. You are in the hands of the Creator of the universe. That's a good place to be. 

Black & White

The term black and white thinking and gray areas has really been on my mind a lot lately. I have been reading up on it and wondering which is Biblical. So here are my thoughts.

 

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God's truth is truth. It is not based on circumstance. If God tells you that He is going to do something, He is going to do it. God will tell us to just trust Him and have faith and He will move in our current situation. We have peace and we chose to trust Him, but then things seem to be getting worse rather than better and so we start to doubt that God will do what He said, or that He really even said He would do something in the first place. God's timing is different than ours. When He speaks to us, He sees far ahead to things we cannot see. This is what got me thinking about all of this. God is not surprised by the things that happen. When He spoke to us, encouraging us that it would all be ok, He wasn't unaware of the events that would follow. God was well aware of everything that would happen following His promise. The truth of His Word will not change based on current circumstance. God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. His Word is the same. His truth is the same. There are no gray areas in God's truth. It simply is just God's truth, and we either believe it or we don't. Accepting a gray area is the same as accepting doubt in what God said, and doubt is not of God.

 

This has really challenged me to grow in my faith and trust towards God. I don't want to allow the gray area of doubt to take root in me. I want to believe what God said and accept it wholeheartedly. It has also challenged me to dig deeper into God's word and learn what other areas I may be living in that are gray areas. Some would say that black and white thinking is more legalism than anything. But, then again, some would say that Biblical living is legalistic as well, but I still choose to live my life that way.

 

 

I have heard that there are some things that are definitely black and white and some areas where they aren't necessarily mentioned in the Bible, so therefore they are gray. What I have found though, is that all of those "gray areas" are areas where it is simply about yourself. There are no gray areas on how we should treat other people, or our relationship with Christ. All of those gray areas are self-seeking. And, they don't necessarily benefit you in anyway.

 

[1 Corinthians 10:23-33]

"All things are lawful for me, but not all things are helpful; all things are lawful for me, but not all things edify. Let no one seek his own, but each one the other's well-being Eat whatever is sold in the meat market, asking no questions for conscience sake; for "the earth is the Lord's and all its fullness." If any of those who do not believe invites you to dinner, and you desire to go, eat whatever is set before you, asking no question for conscience' sake. But if anyone says to you, "This was offered to idols," do not eat it for the sake of the one who told you, and for conscience' sake; for "the earth is the Lord's and all it's fullness." "Conscience," I say, not your own, but that of the other. For why is my liberty judged by another man's conscience? But if I partake with thanks, why am I evil spoken of for the food over which I give thanks? Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. Give no offense, either to the Jews or to the Greeks or to the church of God, just as I also please all men in all things, not seeking my own profit, but the profit of many, that they may be saved. Imitate me, just as I also imitate Christ."

 

Something that may not be wrong to you (your gray area), could be offensive to someone else. And, Biblically speaking, Christ has called us to not give offense. I am my brother's keeper. I don't want to offend in any way. I want to share truth. I want to imitate Christ. That doesn't mean that I condone sin in anyway. It means that instead of holding onto what I think are my "rights" and my "gray areas" because they don't necessarily apply to me, I put others before me. It means that I don't seek my own profit, I don't fight for my own profit. I want to be holy in every aspect of my life. Christ has said to be holy in all my conduct, and that's what I want to strive for.

 

 

[1 Peter 1:15-16]

"but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, because it is written, "Be holy, for I am holy."

 

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This is just where my thoughts have been. I would love to hear your thoughts on this, as I am still wanting to learn more on this topic.

With much love,

Adele.