In the Now

[Ecclesiastes 5:18-20 MSG]

After looking at the way things are on this earth, here’s what I’ve decided is the best way to live: Take care of yourself, have a good time, and make the most of whatever job you have for as long as God gives you life. And that’s about it. That’s the human lot. Yes, we should make the most of what God gives, both the bounty and the capacity to enjoy it, accepting what’s given and delighting in the work. It’s God’s gift! God deals out joy in the present, the now. It’s useless to brood over how long we might live.

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I realized this morning that this is the first time in my life that I'm truly having to live in the now. The first time in my life that I'm not counting down to something else, some milestone or new thing. And, I realize how much that scares me. I have a job now and started working. I am a nanny, and also the house cleaner. This week was my first week with the girls. They just moved down from Illinois. It's also been a roller coaster of emotions. The first day I got home after work and just cried because I was so stressed out and confused. I woke up the next morning still stressed out which only got worse when I couldn't find my keys. Very upset I finally found them and then cried because that whole ordeal. As the day went on though, I became more peaceful. I had a talk with my boss which helped because we were able to talk through a few miscommunications that had me worried. Now I'm at a place where I am peaceful about this job and feel like I can do it but also scared that I will be here longer than I would like. I've been a nanny before, and I have worked with kids my entire life, but this isn't something I want to do for my whole life. My heart is worship and ministry and I hope to one day find myself working for a church. 

So, this morning, as I was washing dishes, it hit me that I'm finally living completely in the present with nothing to look to in the future because I have no idea what my future holds. I mean, really, there has always been something to count down too. You count down to when you will finally be in high school, to when you can finally drive. I counted down to graduating high school. Then to when I started Masters Commission. While in XMC, I counted down to when I would graduate my first year. Then I looked to when I would start my second year and then eventually graduate and get my bachelors degree. I counted down to when I would leave to go to Romania, and then in Romania, I counted down to when I would be back home. There has always been something. 

I have an apartment, I have a job, and I have bills. Don't misunderstand me, I know there is a purpose in all of that. I'm thankful that I have these things. And, as scary as it is to me, I'm thankful for this season. I'm thankful because I know that it's in seasons like this, where I'm a little uncomfortable and a little scared, that I grow. It's during these times that I must depend completely on God and trust him to be everything that I need. 

So, I'm learning to live in the today. More so than ever before. There is a saying that wherever you are, be all there. I'm getting to relearn this and apply it. I don't know how long God will have me here and I don't know what to expect as far as my future goes. But, I know that God has me here for a reason. And, I know that He is with me. 

Live life where God has you and make the most of your time there. 

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[Psalm 118:24 AMP]

This is the day which the Lord has brought about; we will rejoice and be glad in it. 

Gentle Strength

The other day I was looking through some of my old journals from last summer and inside of one of them I found a list of words. These words were all words that I had written down that I desired to be. All things that I wanted my character to embody. I decided then that I would go through every single word and take time to study each one and see what God showed me about it and how I could use it in my life. The first word on my list was gentle. No surprise there considering gentleness is something that I have been praying about for over a year now. Even though I have studied up on gentleness, before I decided to do it again and see what else there was to learn about it. 

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[Matthew 11:29]

"Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, 

for I am gentle and lowly in heart, 

and you will find rest for you souls."

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After reading this, I determined that gentleness is a characteristic of who God is. Obviously I knew this already, but this time it really hit me. There are so many characteristics of God. He is so many things. And, gentle is one of them. I want to be like Christ. I want to be gentle. 

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[Philippians 2:5-11]

"Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross. Therefore God also has highly exalted Him and given Him the name which is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of those in heaven and of those on earth, and of those under the earth, and that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father."

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What I have found in reading these verses is the strength that gentleness possesses. We often confuse gentleness as weakness. This isn't true. It is mighty and powerful. It is in God's gentleness that I find rest. It is in His rest that I find peace. By nature, I am a restless person. Not only physically, as far as my sleeping habits go, but also mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I exhaust myself over and over again. It takes true strength for me to find rest. It takes God's gentle heart. 

In Matthew 11:29, God said to take His yoke upon us. A yoke is a wooden bar of frame that joins two animals, like oxen or horses, so that they can pull a wagon, plow, etc. together. Here it is used figuratively of the restrictions that a teacher or rabbi would place on his followers. The word take here means to elevate or uplift from the ground. I am to take God's Spirit, His gentleness, and be that.

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I wanted to do this study because I wanted to be able to apply it in my day to day life. 

There are so many restless people around me. So many people who lack peace. 

If I find my rest and peach through God's gentle and humble heart, then I want to be that for those God has surrounded me with. It will take strength. It will take me dying to my flesh. It will take me being humble and being a servant. Gentleness is not weakness. It takes strength to look past yourself and your own desires and put someone else first. It is beautiful. It is sweet. It is strong. 

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[Zechariah 9:9]

"Rejoice greatly, O daughter of Zion! Shout O daughter of Jerusalem! 

Behold, your king is coming to you; He is just and having salvation, 

lowly and riding on a donkey,.."