Saturday, August 16, 2014
I wake up pretty late that morning. I had a late night before and didn't get to bed until around 2/3 in the morning. I go downstairs and fix a bagel and as I'm chewing I realize that it kind of feels weird to eat. Instead of worrying about it I just let it go and then go upstairs to brush my teeth which turned out to be extremely difficult. I come to the conclusion that half of my lip is numb. So I do what every person does when they have strange symptoms...I googled it. As I'm reading the many different things it could be I decided the internet was probably not the best place to look. I mean really, one more scroll down and it would have told me I had 3 days to live. I decided I would call my brother and see if he had any ideas or has woken up with that before. He said maybe I just slept on my lip wrong, kind of like when you fall asleep on your arm and then you wake up and its numb. Maybe I was so tired that I passed out on the right side of my face and it just was numb from sleep. In my mind, in that moment, I thought that made perfect sense. As I think back on it now, I just laugh at how easily I accepted that as what was wrong.
As the day went on things started getting worse. I was noticing how irritated my eye was feeling and that it was kind of in pain. I was out shopping with my roommate and while in the dressing room I smiled and noticed that half of my face didn't move, at all. I took a picture of me trying to smile and sent it to my brother. He called me back and agreed that something was probably going on and offered to take me to urgent care just to get it checked out. All of the urgent cares happened to be closed at the time though so he took me to the emergency room instead. I was there for about 5 hours.
Right when I got there and explained my symptoms they told me is was more than likely Bell's Palsy. After running an MRI and CT Scan, it was confirmed that nothing else was wrong and this is what it was. They prescribed an anti-viral medication and a corticosteroid and sent me on my way. Thus began my three weeks of living with Bell's Palsy.
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For those of you who don't know, Bell's Palsy is a form of facial paralysis resulting from a dysfunctional cranial nerve VII causing an inability to control facial muscles on the affected side. Bell's Palsy is diagnosed by process of elimination. There are several other things that can cause facial paralysis such as a brain tumor, stroke, or Lyme disease, so once these are ruled out Bell's Palsy is what is diagnosed. It is rapid and usually occurs overnight. There is no specific cause for how one gets it. It could be from a virus, or head trauma, or probably many other things. Most people will start to regain control of the muscles by three weeks, medicated or not, but for some people they have to wait 6 months before they have completely regained full control. And, in some rare cases, it never returns to normal. You just never know. Thankfully, mine was a very mild case and in three and a half weeks, everything was back to normal with no signs of it left.
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Bell's Palsy isn't fun. Not in the slightest. Aside from the fact that half of my face is drooping and I can't smile, there are so many side effects with it that make it hard.
Because I couldn't control my facial muscles on the right side of my face, this meant that my right eye could not blink. This is not good for your eye at all. As the day progresses your eye gets dried out and irritated. If you don't take certain precautions this could, in time, permanently damage that eye. So to protect it I had to tape my eye shut at night and manually blink it throughout the day. I also invested in an eye patch, and yes, I actually wore that baby in public. (Good thing I love pirates so much, I got to temporarily be one!) Because the eye was irritated, it made driving incredibly difficult for me, especially at night. My eye would try and close but because it lacked the ability to blink or close by itself, if I tried to close that eye, both of my eyes would close, and you know, I kind of need at least one eye on the road. It was also super sensitive to feeling. So if any kind of air, like the air conditioner in my car blew into that eye, it just dried it out even more. Honestly, dealing with my eye was the worst part of this whole thing and there were a few times I contemplated gouging it out myself.
There was also lots of pain and discomfort in other parts of my face. For one, I would get severe headaches everyday. They usually would come in the afternoon and late at night. Also there would be a lot of discomfort in my jaw on the affected side and it felt really tight and hard to open my mouth.
There was hypersensitivity to sound in my ear on the affected side. Noises that I was use to hearing before became unbearable and nearly brought me to tears. I had to wear ear plugs to play worship and sometimes even the own sound of my voice was too much.
I got car sick much quicker during my time with Bell's Palsy and felt physically drained and exhausted after being in a car even for a short amount of time.
Eating and drinking. Man was that a party. There was literally no easy way to do that, at all. I tried using straws thinking it would make things easier, um no, all that accomplished was me making weird noises and some how sucking half of my lip. And just drinking from a bottle was difficult too because I got water everywhere but my mouth. I eventually found a bottle in my apartment that I could squirt the water into my mouth with. That became my best friend, and I had no shame sporting it around for 3 weeks even though it was Hello Kitty. And eating, anytime I chewed, I also chewed my lip as well. And I couldn't really chew on my right side because the muscles on that side of my face were not strong enough to swallow the food.
There were a few times where I choked trying to take my medicine because I couldn't get it down.
And, brushing my teeth. That was just sad. Oh I made sure my teeth were cleaned, but usually my chin and the rest of my face got some of it too. The toothpaste just fell out of the right side of my face like a waterfall. And then trying to rinse your mouth and spit was fun. I couldn't properly spit so it kind of just dripped out of my mouth, real slowly I might add. But, I'm not going to lie and say it wasn't amusing. I definitely laughed at myself a few times.
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So you see, it wasn't a fun time in the sense of all of the symptoms I had to deal with. But, I'm incredibly thankful for a God who brings me through things that ultimately bring me closer to Him and teach me more about Him. That week before I was diagnosed I was praying to God and asking him to lead me where He wanted me. I was very stressed and not at all at peace with the job I was working at and I asked Him to take me out of it if that wasn't what He had for me, and that if it was, He would work in my heart and change my perspective. Two days after I was diagnosed and left the hospital I was let go. I wasn't really upset about it either, because I asked God to take me out if that's not the place I needed to be, and He did that. Maybe not the way I thought He would but God's ways are much higher than mine. I decided after that to focus on getting better. So for three weeks I took things slow, rested up, and gave my body time to heal. I was also able to go on vacation with my family. During these weeks, God was able to speak to me about things in my heart that I needed to deal with. Pruning isn't always easy, but it is definitely necessary. There were things I thought that I had dealt with that were still lingering in the depths of my heart. I also learned a lot about my own trust in God and His sovereignty. I asked the Lord before all of this to teach me about His sovereignty and that I would grow in intimacy with Him. I remember telling God that I wanted to know Him in a way that was unlike anything I have ever known before. I wanted to know Him based on who He says He is and not based on who other people have told me He is. I wanted first hand revelation of Christ. I had to reach a point in those weeks that I accepted that even if it never went away, even if I had to deal with having Bell's Palsy, or some essence of it, I was more blessed because of it. This wasn't because of a lack of faith and trust that my God is a healer who can heal me of anything, but an understanding that God is Sovereign, He is good, and His hearts desire is to bring me into intimate relationship with Him. Whatever that takes. I knew when I prayed to know God differently and to understand how sovereign He was that it could be considered a dangerous prayer. I didn't ask God to show me those things until I knew that I really wanted to know. He continues to bring me through new seasons. New processes. Growing in dependence and trust. And, I'm thankful for that.
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[I can now say though, that I am completely better and there are no lingering signs of Bell's Palsy. God gets the glory for that! I definitely don't miss dealing with it, but I also don't regret going through it, and the things I learned, and the time I got to spend with Jesus.]
And, here is my pirate picture
